This will take some thought

The other day I had a really bad idea and got on the scale. We will just say it didn't make me feel happy. In fact, I was rather upset. I have no idea why the scale went so much in the wrong direction. We will just say it incentivized me to take a look at my eating habits and figure out some strategies.

So I really need to lose weight. I get it. I'm working on it. Or so I thought.

And then I read this article: Weight Loss Predicts Mortality in Rheumatoid Arthritis: Weight loss is a strong predictor of mortality in patients with rheumatoid arthritis, according to a study published online June 26 in Arthritis & Rheumatology.

Or basically the more you lose weight when you have arthritis, the more you increase your risk of mortality with RA. That isn't really helpful news for me at all. My inner size 8 is calling me. I'll have to think about this one for a while.

I am sure any doctor will tell me that I should lose weight for a variety of reasons. All doctors are skinny these days. Skinny people are healthier (usually). I am not a healthy person and now this is telling me I shouldn't lose weight because it will increase my mortality chances. Great.

This isn't really good news. Or maybe I really need to stop reading the latest medical news. 

Do I have five hours a week?

Based on new research, I could cut my post menopausal breast cancer risk by exercising five hours each week. Hmmm.... Well I do 3 hours of cardio and then probably another 2 hours of weights and stretching each week. Does that count?

Oh, wait, I already had breast cancer. Does that mean I can stop exercising? Probably not. I am sure there is another bit of research out there that tells me I need to keep exercising.

There is that long term deflabbification project I keep babbling about. Damn.

And why am I so fat if I keep exercising????

That bucket list thing

I never had heard of a bucket list before the movie of the same name. I did like the movie and need an assistant named Thomas to help me out sometimes. But do I need a bucket list? I am on the fence on this.

But here is this young woman in Wales who is terminally ill with breast cancer and was given 3-6 months to live, more than six months ago. She decided she was going to create a bucket list with the help of other terminally ill people. She is asking for help in figuring out what to put in her bucket list.

Some of them are:

• running naked down a busy street
• trying out her coffin dressed as Wonder Woman
• knocking over displays in stores
• riding in a race car

I would probably try those except the running part. I'm not that good at running these days.

What suggestions do I have for her?

• borrowing library books with no intentions of returning them.
• crap I can't think of anything else. 

Maybe I don't want a bucket list. But anyway. Go watch Rowena try all sorts of things and give her your suggestions if you are terminally ill.

You can read about her here.
And you can watch her here.

Keeping your sense of humor through it all

One of the key traits to help cope with your ailments is keeping your sense of humor through it all. If you lose your sense of humor, it will become so much harder.

I was reminded of this by this comedian who was treated at Dana Farber and then had a special show for his caregivers at the hospital.
I constantly crack jokes with the medical personnel I deal with. I have to. Otherwise, it would be too depressing. If I cannot see the humor in the number of punctures I get from regular blood tests, I might start oozing blood out all the needle holes.

• I need a frequent parker discount at the hospital's parking lot.
• All the johnnies are designed by Dr. Seymour Buttz. (Sound it out and you will get it.)
• Personally I wished they had ramps at hospitals so I could go on wheelchair rides like Curious George did.

Okay, my sense of humor is not fully developed this morning. Its Monday morning. I have chemo brain and fibro fog.

But I hope you get my point. Never lose your sense of humor. Life would be boring with out it. And cancer would suck even more.

I have a bad case of 'Icouldntcareless'

I have a new ailment and it is  a close relative to 'Apathy' and 'Screwitall', and its called 'Icoudntcareless'. Its symptoms border on fatigue and ennui and require lots of time with your feet up to recover from recent stresses.

Sometimes you get too much thrown at you to deal with and the best treatment is to ignore it all. That' s what I'm doing. The other day I blogged about blocking out life. I am continuing in that mode and taking things a step further.

My schedule for the next few days has lots of things on it but I am not going to do anything I don't have to. I finally caught up on some much needed sleep, I think. But I might need to get another 10 hours tonight (seriously). The knee doctor gave me a fancy new brace and wants me to try PT and then come back in 6-8 weeks. The good thing is I can do PT at my gym instead of going to a separate place with lots more appointments.

The fibromyalgia support group was okay, not great. It has potential but there is one woman in it who wants to be the center of attention and dominates all conversations. The other woman who attended did not speak unless directly addressed. A nice combination. I will try it a few more times and then decide but am leaning against it. I need to get over my current 'Icouldntcareless' before making any decisions.

Maybe I am turning into a cynic or something.

The new doctor

So I met my new primary care yesterday. I think I like her. What's interesting is that what she is concerned about with my health are not the same things as my other doctors.

First of all she called me anemic. My red blood levels have never been the same since chemotherapy. Even though my last chemo was in December of 2007. No one else has ever said something about it. But she said its not that bad since its within one standard deviation of normal (that took some recall of calculus and statistics to make sense).

Second of all, she was interested in what she called my missing blood counts - Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, cholesterol, and more. So I am going for a whole pile of blood tests probably tomorrow morning because they require fasting.

Third she wants to see me with all my test results in about a month to get back to me.

Finally, she talks a lot. But she also listens. So I guess this has a chance.

Call me optimistic.

Fighting fatigue

These days I go through life fighting fatigue. I never seem to get caught up on my sleep. I prefer not to nap too often so that I can sleep all night. And I have prescription sleep aids to help me sleep through the night - which makes a huge difference.

Every day it seems I get to a point where my body is saying 'sleep' and my mind is saying "don't, you are driving a car" or "You are at work"... You see the problem.

Last night we went out to dinner and then I needed to sleep. Earlier in the day, I fought off fatigue while driving (and didn't fall asleep). A cup of coffee doesn't always help me with the fatigue and I really do not want to drink coffee all day because then I will never sleep at night. But if I am at work, I have resorted to coffee.

Right now I am doing okay. I got about 11.5 hours of sleep and am drinking coffee. But I may nap later.