I haven't blogged (Miss...)

Did you miss me? Actually I am around, I am stressed (no new health disasters), I am tired, and I am still without a laptop....

I hope to get my laptop back early this week. I have two doctor appointments on Monday and start PT for my knee. And have a PILE of laundry to get through.

Maybe by the time I am back to regular blogging, they will have discovered a cure for cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and a bunch of other ailments. And world peace.

Over focused?

Maybe I am a bit too focused on health issues and my health specifically. I admit to checking the health section of every news source I look at. And then I read articles about new research showing women need to be more vigilant for breast cancer or some other ailment. Really? Can't we all just go back to our annual physical and let our primary care tell us we are fine?

I am fed up with focusing on my health. I am tired of being vigilant and stressing about one ailment or another, never mind any potential new one. Maybe I need a new hobby, or to be healthy? That's it, I'll be healthy again. As if that will happen.

But maybe I need the mindset of a healthy person. What is the mindset of a healthy person?

Maybe I'll just get another hobby.

Finding the balance

More tests or fewer, more meds or fewer. Does this mean fewer diagnoses and more deaths? I don't think it has to. We just need to find the balance.

We need to focus on finding, not what is the most we can do, to what is the best thing that can be done for the patient. Go read this article to learn more. I strongly agree with this theory.

I can't tell you how many times I have felt over-tested, -poked, and -prodded, because of 'my medical history, they have to be sure'. I can't tell you how annoying that is. Really? Can't they just say that's the best thing for you? Or is that not what they mean?

There is a current leaning in the medical/insurance world to cut down on the amount of tests, scans, and medications for patients. American medical costs are the highest in the world and American patients are blasted by ads and mailings from manufacturers on the newest, most expensive treatments, which are often unnecessary. And patients ask for more scans.

I get it. I have asked doctors why no more scans or tests? And the answer is 'there are no reasons to have any scans, there are no changes'. I can live with that. And I get mailings from Pfizer to go on Xeljanz, which is probably no better than my current drug combinations. And that new drug costs a fortune.

There is a tiny part of my brain that screams 'cure me', give me more tests, find a fancy pill, do something so I can go back to my former healthy self. But the rational part of me knows that isn't a reality. I can dream can't I?

Are any of these people who are so upset about not enough testing and medications patients? If my doctor says this is what's best for you, I'm happy. Its the right balance for me.

As patients we need to accept what our doctors say is enough. And we still need to be vigilant against under treatment, but that's another story.

Technical Difficulties

I hate technical difficulties. One of my main responsibilities at work is IT support for the company. I troubleshoot, set up computers, install software, and more. I also help friends with their computers as well. Therefore I hate it when I have technical difficulties.

Right now my laptop is in ICU at the local computer store. The preliminary diagnosis is that the plug where the power cord from the wall outlet plugs in has died. The laptop didn't recognize the AC adapter so I couldn't charge the battery, and if you moved it a tiny bit (or not at all), it would lose contact with the AC adapter and shut down. Not fun and basically made the computer unusable.

I will know in a couple of days if its an affordable, sensible, repair. The laptop is 3 years old so it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money on it. And I really do not want buy a new computer right now. Nor is it backed up (which is a cardinal rule in the IT world).

In the meantime, I am using my phone and tablet for technology. Its okay but not great. Yes I can access the internet and my email but the on screen keyboard is a PITA. And all my files are on the laptop so I can't take care of some volunteer work. Nor do I have all computer programs that I use regularly.

But its not health related and it is aggravating. Grrrr.

And how am I doing?

I blogged about my difficult decision. I blogged about our new cats. I haven't blogged about me.

Honestly, I am not doing that great. I have been exhausted for a while. On vacation I would sleep a lot and was feeling caught up on sleep. Since coming home, I have been exhausted. After two nights in our bed, I have slept well but am still exhausted. I woke up a while ago and am still in bed and will probably go back to sleep.

My knee is a clear source of stress. It has a tendency to give way, even while wearing a brace, which is not fun. I start PT next week and will see how it goes. I plan to talk to the physical therapist about my knee giving way before I call my doctor back. Its not making me happy.

I am also feeling emotionally drained. It was a big effort to leave our long planned vacation. My first thought on driving home was to call my therapist and get in to see her. But I am not sure of my schedule this week and I have an appointment in a couple weeks anyway. Maybe I just need to go into emotional hiding for a bit and lick my wounds for a few days.

In some ways its a bit of relief that I stood my ground and left. Everything is now out in the open.

I need a nap. Bye.