The Costs of Cancer

So you get diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden you put your entire life on hold and you grapple with side effects, hair loss, constant aches and pains, surgical recovery, and giant medical bills. You rob Peter to pay Paul so to speak every month as you juggle your bills. You take time off work to cope with treatment and your income tanks and money is even tighter. You try to save for retirement as you wonder if you will be there for retirement.

But picture this if you were in college or just out and didn't really have a job. You are dependent on your parents for money. You alternate between your dorm room, your parent's sofa, and the infusion room. You try to figure out how you are ever going to have a career, if you are going to have a career. You hope you do not have to declare bankruptcy before 30 just to stay solvent because you have student loans and medical bills. At the same time you wonder if you will be around to turn 30.

I have been in both situations. At 19, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, but was still on my parent's health insurance and it took a summer to deal with the bulk of treatment, but have had follow up's every year or more often since. Medical bills and student loans were not as sky high back then but I did go through a lot of angst as a result of my diagnosis.

Then at 45 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and wondered how to pay bills as I job hunted through treatment. I haven't worked full time since. Money is much tighter now. Saving for retirement has been less important. With two cancer diagnoses, retirement looks a bit iffy at times.

At some point I learned about a wonderful organization called The Samfund. This group helps those young adult cancer patients figure out their financials and provides some grants. How do they know how to do this? The founder has been through this herself. I just wish they were around for me decades ago.

Being told you are cancer free only makes you find out about all the costs you still have to pay - financial, emotional, and physical.

More on cancer costs

A few days ago, I blogged about the costs of cancer. But there are lots more costs of cancer that are not just financial.

There are physical costs that include surgical scars, damage to your body from treatments, and more.
The emotional costs are things like PTSD which takes a lot to get through. Neither of these can ever really go away. You just end up covered in scars inside and out.

So well-intentioned people do things like give free trips and events for those who were diagnosed with cancer. These are the people who offer trips to us cancer people.

If you have been diagnosed with cancer, you can go to events like the Stowe Weekend of Hope for free the first year. Then you get an incredibly discounted rate for future years. Don't get me wrong, the Stowe Weekend of Hope is a wonderful event with so many resources for those with cancer. But I just wish I didn't have the medical history which allows me to go so cheaply.

So as we dig deep in our financial pockets we also have to cope with all the other costs and you can't just declare bankruptcy and walk away from your emotional and physical costs.

A Cancer Diagnosis is More Important

Today's Ask Amy column upset me and made me think. You can read it below or here as published in the Boston Globe.

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Q. My sister (in her early 40s) was diagnosed with cancer. They caught it early, so it’s still at an early stage. We in the family all found out about this a few weeks ago.

I have messaged her and her husband a few times since then to chitchat, but never asked them about the cancer.
I feel like if they want to talk about it or need my help, I will be there. It is understood by everyone in my family that we will help each other if asked.
My sister and I haven’t spoken for a week, and I found out from my other sister that my brother-in-law called me rude and not supportive because I didn’t offer to help.
I have two young children, and the younger one was constantly sick. I also work full time and am dealing with a dying father-in-law.
I don’t have the memory capacity or time to follow up on them all the time. Was I being rude?Hurt

A. You were being rude, and you ARE being rude.

Even if yours is a family that considers illness to be a private matter — your sister has cancer. It is incomprehensible that you would learn of this, initiate contact with your sister to “chitchat,” and then never mention it.
Your sister and her husband also did not bring it up, but they knew you had an awareness of their situation and were no doubt expecting you to at least inquire.
You say you can’t be supportive because your sister’s cancer is trumped by other family issues. This is even more baffling, because if you have experience dealing with illness, surely you realize that the comfort doesn’t come from offers of “help,” but from having people at least acknowledge the challenging situation illness presents.
In the course of your messaging, what does it cost you to type: “Oh, Sis, I heard about your cancer. Thank goodness it was caught early. I’m thinking of you. . .”?
All of your reasons for not doing this come off as justifications after the fact. You should apologize and offer some sisterly support.

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I agree with Amy here. If someone is diagnosed with cancer, it should be recognized by family members. I have had too many people run for the hills at the word cancer. I never wanted to be buried in phone calls about my medical issues but it is nice if family members recognize it.

Obviously the letter writer is a bit self centered and she has a bit too much going on in her life to think of anyone else. But seriously? Your sister had cancer and you blew it off.

A long sad day

Yesterday I drove my parents to the memorial service for a neighbor from my childhood. It was a 330 mile round trip. By the time I got home it was nearly 9pm and 12 hours from when I left the house. I don't travel so well these days so I made a point of getting a lot of sleep last night.

Susan died last fall from breast cancer, six weeks after her diagnosis. She had ignored pain in her ribs last spring because she thought she had strained something. She was a farmer and very active. Also her tumor was so far back and so close to  her ribs, it may not have shown up on a mammogram. It wasn't until she started feeling many more symptoms did she end up in the emergency room and got some very bad news.

Her mother was also diagnosed with early stage breast cancer in early 2014. So in speaking with her two remaining sisters, I made a point of telling them both they should consider themselves high risk for breast cancer. They agreed and said they had already spoken to their doctors about it.

It was a nice memorial service and internment of her ashes followed by a family gathering at their house on the ocean. I got to catch up with both her sisters, mother, and another friend from 4-H back in the 1960s.

I also met a woman who has the same rheumatologist as me. Her rheumatoid was more advanced than mine and she has had six joints replaced - both ankles, knee, and hips. I can't remember them all. She has refused to go on to a biologic and has been on methotrexate for 14 years. She was in a wheelchair because of her recent surgeries. I never want to be in a wheel chair. Another sad reminder of the implications of my ailments.

Between a memorial service, a long drive, and seeing the implications of rheumatoid. It had an emotional as well as a physical toll. I need a day off today but have too much to do.